To ab-lib Senator Padmé Amidala: "This is how cinematography dies, with thunderous applause."
Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of the Hammer To Strike The Final Nail In The Coffin WHAM! Lid is secured, franchise is laid to never ending unrest five films down, and I'm not the only fan throwing in a handful of dirt with tears in their eyes. The people praising this movie are the same who two years ago and still to this day absolute despise the previous installment of The Last Jedi, but only because Disney has bent over backwards to sooth the hurt butts, eyes, and ears of that small but very vocal minority by having this movie be one huge apologetic step back, and erasure cake, with an insane extra thick layer of what they considered "fanservice" frosting. I use the the word cinematography in my opening ad-libbed quote cause as it's definition applies it is the art/science of motion-picture making, cause what I saw in theaters on December 20th was a mockery of cinema, and I damn well may say an insult to the intelligence of the vast majority of people who cherish Star Wars as something more than the multimedia profit generating business property Disney treats it as, but more akin to long time friend or close supportive family member that's always there for them.
The credits say this travesty was "directed" by J.J. Abrams, but I saw little to none of Abrams directorial style in the presentation, what I believe transpired was J.J. was brought on board and paid a truck load of money to attach his name to the yet unassemebled garbage scow as step one in Operation: Please Stop Hating Us with "Hey! lLook we brought back the guy you said made the first one great!". Then they throw away previous chosen director Colin Trevorrow's screenplay, and give poor Abrams very little to no time to write his own, which made the daunting task of trying to come up with an ending to not only the sequel trilogy, but the whole nine part saga, so he had to steal some stuff from the Trevorrow outline, some unused ideas of his own, and have it build off where Rian Johnson left the narrative, and incorporate which I'm sure was a whole checklist of executive level mandatory inclusions. I don't know who's idea it was, but they then bring in writer Chris Terrio to help and rewrite, and if you don't know who that is, and why it's such a huge red flag why Rise of Skywalker is going down as flaming wreckage, it is the same guy who wrote the stories for Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice and Justice League for Warner Bros., and I don't have to tell you those two films were also malign messes of near uncomprehension that also wildly divided a fan base.
Just like my Last Jedi post from two years ago, I can not sit down and properly review this film on just the merits of the actors and story details, because honestly none of that stands out in this mangled Frankensteined togethered corpse. This is truly the first movie to stand mostly on the shoulders of just the new characters, and it showcases just how thinly written, and how uncohesive the new group of leads are even after two previous films. I do not blame the actors at all, they are working with what they are given, and contractually forced to give their best, and that is what is on display here behind and in front of the camera is the always hanging pressure of obligation, be it real or perceived that greatly hinders the acclimation of not just this movie, but the entire sequel trilogy.
I know this all sounds super negative, but I assure you I don't hate this movie, I am just extremely disappointed in it, and frustrated with the whole handling of the Star Wars movie franchise since Disney acquired the rights. I use this blog to vent that frustration, and to let other fans know that I feel the same anguish, but also perhaps let others know some the behind the scenes circumstances that contributed to this underwhelming mediocrity. My personal ranking of the films will forever be The Original Trilogy in release order, to The Prequel trilogy release order, to Sequel Trilogy release order, and if you want to throw in the one-shot story movies then Rogue One is better than the prequels and would hold 4th place, then while I don't know if Rise of Skywalker is better or worst than Solo, so they can both hold the title of less favorite Star Wars movie of all of time, yes I said it: Rise of Skywalker is on par with Solo as a theatrical experience.
- STAR WARS
- THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
- RETURN OF THE JEDI
- ROGUE ONE
- THE PHANTOM MENACE
- ATTACK OF THE CLONES
- REVENGE OF THE SITH
- THE FORCE AWAKENS
- THE LAST JEDI
- THE RISE OF SKYWALKER / SOLO
